


Running to Tomorrow

by friendlyneighborhoodfairy, SnowfallBreeze (friendlyneighborhoodfairy)



Series: Snow/FNF's Nonbinary Month fics 2017 [3]
Category: RWBY
Genre: Adorable Fluff, Eating Disorders, Heavy Petting, Holding Hands, Intersex, Other, Pansexual Character, Running, Virginity, body shame
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-10 21:17:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,722
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11700069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/friendlyneighborhoodfairy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/friendlyneighborhoodfairy/pseuds/SnowfallBreeze
Summary: {Nonbinary Month #3} Ren's appearance isn't what he wants, but restricting his eating gives him a sense of control. Running and fretting over fat are all he has: he can't date, because it would be impossible to hide his body's differences.Nevertheless, he and Nora dance around each other with wordless flirtations--it's harmless, right? Until it isn't. Now Ren has new worries: keeping secrets could ruin not just any potential relationship, but the friendship they already have, too.(Precursor to "Running with Desire.")





	Running to Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> RWBY + intersex. Renora not-quite-smut. Tiny spoiler for Ren's semblance.

"Pyrrha," Jaune said into his scroll, "Ren's making beer bread."

Ren heard him hit send and smiled. Those four words were enough said.

The space Ren had to work with was cramped and probably against dorm rules. The toaster he used as an oven only fit one tiny loaf at a time. But Ren liked baking: it was both a science and an art, and something about it was inherently calming.

Pyrrha came into the room less than a minute later, pretending she wasn't out of breath. Beaming, Nora handed her a hunk of bread.

"No crumbs on the floor this time," Pyrrha said around a mouthful. "Don't want ants again."

"Um…" Jaune looked around for something plate-like.

"Tissues?" Nora suggested.

Ren saw her lean toward the box and snatched it up before she could reach it. He wanted to avoid her setting out four napkins and thus saving aside food for him—he didn't do this for the eating.

When their hands brushed, that in itself was nothing out of the ordinary, but her cackle of laughter made him jump. Flushing, he cocked an eyebrow at her, but Nora just smiled her usual shit-eating grin. It made his heart flutter.

"Good idea," he said smoothly, passing a tissue to each of them.

"What we need are real napkins," Pyrrha said.

"We should steal some from dining," Nora piped up, stuffing an entire slice of bread in her mouth.

"Nora," Jaune sighed, "stealing is stealing."

"So?"

"It's wrong."

"Says who?"

As Nora explained why stealing from their own school wasn't stealing, Ren returned to baking, smiling. Nora didn't have a klepto problem per se, but she didn't like going hungry, and thus took charge of food collection through their childhood.

Discussions notwithstanding, the three members of the team still finished off every speck of bread. As Ren cleaned up, he popped a crumb in his mouth.

"Is that all you got?" Jaune asked, aghast.

"I ate some earlier."

With an innocent face, Ren cringed inside. An outright lie. Normally he got away with misinterpreted truths, as in,  _don't worry, I got enough to eat_ —because zero was enough.

He was wiping out his single mixing bowl when Nora's chin appeared on his shoulder.

"Um." Ren looked sideways at her. "Hello."

"Shouldn't you wash that in an actual sink?" she asked, leaning up against his back.

"I will eventually." The side of his mouth crooked up. "What's up?"

He meant it rhetorically, and Nora knew that, shoulders jostling him as she shrugged.

He couldn't exactly move with her like this, so he stayed where he was, throwing the balled up tissues into the waste basket and putting the bowl on top of the toaster. And then he just stood there, arms folded comfortably and Nora propped on his shoulder. She didn't move away for a long time, but idleness didn't really bother either of them.

When Jaune came over with an article on ethics, she vacated her perch to jump into arguing again. Ren's shoulder felt instantly cold.

Grabbing up the bowl, he hurried to the bathroom to clean it.

* * *

Ren couldn't see what Pyrrha was pointing at. Technically, none of them  _should_ see it: the door to one of the staff offices was ajar and Pyrrha caught a glimpse of—whatever it was that caught her interest.

Dropping onto hands and knees like that was normal behavior, Nora slithered around Pyrrha's legs to get a peek. Waiting for Nora's reaction, Ren saw instantly when she stiffened. His insides tightened in dread.

"It's a Grim…mask," Pyrrha said in awe, finally using words. "Not like a mask people wear: I mean the face-mask part of a Grim's skull. It looks so…human."

Ren frowned hard at Nora's back, the small woman shivering once before standing up and saying, "I wonder if this prof has a kink."

"Nora!" Pyrrha's face turned red. Jaune was similarly affected, and Ren smirked—

It vanished into a sick, cold feeling as he saw Nora's eyes weren't smiling. Not crinkled up like usual.

Neither of them liked the more human Grim; usually Nora's coping mechanism was to hit things until it went away. Sometimes, if the wrong image caught her at the wrong moment, it left indomitable Nora Valkyrie scared.

As they continued to lunch, Nora walked, not skipped, staring blindly at the floor.

Without thinking about it, Ren took her hand.

Her fingers were hot and strong—squeezing him in a tight grip. When Ren shifted closer, their shoulders bumped and then stayed touching. A sense of reassurance rolled through him, as if he'd been about to fall but wasn't, tipped in a strange, sudden euphoria.

To be walking simply down the hall, hand in hand, just that and nothing more. It felt normal.

He wasn't really looking at her, but he saw her smile out of the corner of his eye. She felt better. It made him want to laugh, which was weird, but he liked being able to cheer her up. Neither of them said anything, but then, they never really had to talk to communicate. Everything came naturally, like they both understood something of themselves in the other.

Her hot fingers were antsy, just like Nora herself, thumb sliding along his. It kept jolting him with the fact that this was real: he was holding Nora's hand. Something in his brain was short-circuiting, overwhelmed by this development, but he kept reminding himself: it was just hands. And it felt right, felt okay. He and Nora were close. They did everything together. And he'd wanted to do this for a long time.

When the team approached the dining commons, they let go, but before they reached the doors, Nora leaned in and kissed his cheek.

Ren stopped dead in the hallway.

The moment lasted forever, and yet took no time at all. Her breath on his face, her lips so very close. A shiver wracked through him.

That's when it hit him. The implication, the significance, of what they'd just done. Holding hands. It wasn't merely comfort; it was the start of bigger things. Things he couldn't do. A place he couldn't go.

Backing up, Ren gasped in a breath.  _No, no, no._

Whirling, he darted in the opposite direction, the only thing he think to do. He couldn't eat with them now. He couldn't sit next to her and… He definitely wasn't hungry after that, and besides, it was better when he didn't eat too much in a given day anyway. Skipping lunch meant he could have a full dinner tonight and— and—

"Ren!" Nora called, her confused and desperate voice tearing him in half, but he was already slipping away. That attracted the attention of their teammates, and he heard his name shouted by several voices, but he waved a hand without looking back and fled around the first corner.

Fuck.

Nora kissed him—his cheek, but it was still a kiss. They'd held hands.  _She'd kissed his cheek._  She had leaned into him, a hand on his arm and the other against his chest for a fleeting moment. He could still feel the pressure. And her lips, hot against his skin.

What would it be like to kiss her, to caress her hair and draw her close and not have to let go if they didn't want to? To hold her and just be?

Ren broke into a sprint.

He couldn't let it start. Unlike certain people (cough  _Ruby_ ), he wasn't ignorant of what their peers got up to. Boarding school away from parents and strictures meant people experimented, deciding what they liked, were looking for. He and Jaune must be the only virgins at Beacon—though for Jaune it wasn't by choice.

As he passed a group of students, someone yelled, "Give that back!" Friendly laughter, then red fruit pelted the walkway, Ren dodging as he ran. "Sorry!" someone shouted, but he didn't glance back.

He was good at dodging food: Nora liked to steal from Jaune's plate whenever the man wasn't looking, and when Jaune  _did_ catch her, food fights ensued. Because that's the kind of team they were.

Usually, though, Ren was the only one who saw. Maybe because he was always watching. Watching her sneak at  _every_  opportunity (and Jaune presented plenty), watching her flip her hair behind her ear—it never stayed—as she got that calculating look in her eye. It was mesmerizing. Nora was pretty and tough, simultaneously intimidating and cute. She was perfect.

Whenever she noticed him watching her thievery, he'd raise his eyebrows and they'd share a smile.

It made his chest tight.

There needed to be a backspace button for actions. Or someone to yell at him before he did stupid things like hold hands with the one person he needed to  _not_  push away—theirs was a friendship-forever and he needed it to stay that way, because without her his life fell apart. He knew. They did everything together. He couldn't mess this up.

Much as it shamed him, this was as far as things could go. And Nora didn't know that. Worse, Nora didn't know the reason why.

* * *

One afternoon, Ren went running like he usually did, getting that joyful ache in his legs that told him he was alive. He maybe, possibly, had chosen to do so  _now_  because Nora would return to the room any minute, and Jaune and Pyrrha were nowhere to be found.

The route Ren took was long and gave everyone a good while to get back. So Nora couldn't corner him with the hurt, accusing eyes she'd pinned on him all week. So he wouldn't have to face her.

There was no good lie to explain why he'd fled. And the truth he refused to tell  _anyone_.

Since Nora didn't reveal her private thoughts around anyone but him, Ren just had to avoid being alone with her. Ever. Which, considering their friendship, could be the rest of their lives. The thought stabbed him.

As breath scissored in and out of his lungs in rhythm, Ren pushed himself faster. He loved running, loved any kind of exercise. It gave him power over his body, allowed him to be the person he wanted to be.

It seemed his whole life was about that.

When he got back to the dormitory, everyone was present, Jaune going on about how winners of food-eating contests always cheated; Pyrrha with books out but arguing with him; and Nora with a horror novel propped on her knees while she shouted occasional comments into the fray, clearly gleeful at contributing to the noise.

As soon as Ren walked in, she looked over. She didn't have her usual smile—he hadn't seen that in seven days. Her intense gaze had the power to shoot birds out of the sky, brow bent, zeroed in on him. Her prey.

Pyrrha waved hello at him and continued right on talking.

"Jaune, just because you can't do it doesn't mean they cheated. You're just jealous."

"I'm not jealous," Jaune protested, giving Ren a fistbump. "I won first place in a turkey-eating contest, I'll have you know."

"A…what?"

"Turkey-eating contest. Don't laugh: that's totally a thing!"

"Did you cheat?" Ren asked.

Jaune's head snapped around.

"What?"

"You said winners always cheat."

"Of course I didn't cheat," Jaune scoffed. "That's how I know those other guys do. It's damn hard to eat that much in one go. I barfed my guts up later."

Pyrrha grimaced. "Colorful."

"Probably not," Ren said. "Turkey's just a bland tan."

"Ren!" Pyrrha threw a pillow at him.

Smiling, he collected his things for the shower and slid toward the exit.

"Hold the door," Nora called when he was halfway through. "I'm gonna get something from the vending machine."

Ren's body acquiesced, head bobbing, arm holding the door, but his insides froze solid. Ice crawled up and grabbed his tongue.

He couldn't.

Snatching coins from the team's communal jar, Nora squeezed past him into the hall. Her back was to him, as if she wasn't doing this to apprehend him, like it wasn't a calculated attempt to get him to explain himself.

From his halted mind an idea suddenly occurred.

"I forgot my…"

He didn't finish the sentence. Didn't need to. The door swung shut as he wandered over and pretended to rummage through his things.

Like a fucking coward. He couldn't even face his best friend. The girl who'd been by his side through terror and death, who'd been his only family for most of their lives.

He made sure to get wrapped up in Jaune and Pyrrha's conversation—which had moved onto whether foods lost their color after they were digested—and waited for her to get back. As five minutes passed, then ten, he fidgeted with the loose cap on his soap. She was going to wait out there until he came out. He wasn't  _not_  going to shower, after all. Goddammit, she was going to  _make_  him talk to her.

Maybe Ren could derail her, get her off topic. Or just refuse to say anything. Or he could dash past her to the showers like a spineless bastard.

He didn't want to lose his best friend, but he had the horrible suspicion he already had. When he… When he…

 _Led her on,_  said the accusing voice in his head.

Fuck it all. Ren snatched his things from the bed and marched to the door.

When he threw it open, he and Nora walked straight into each other.

She stumbled sideways and Ren grabbed her arm, half out of instinct and half so he didn't trip over her. As they both pulled up straight, Nora removed herself from his grasp: not a violent gesture, simply a withdrawal from his personal space. Without looking at him, she closed the dormitory door in his face.

Yup, he'd fucked everything up.

* * *

" _Oh my god, did you hear that?" Pyrrha hissed in an angry whisper as she joined the team at lunch. "That kid just called her—! I can't even say it. Ugh."_

" _A hermaphrodite?" Jaune filled in._

" _Jaune! Don't say that!"_

" _Why not?"_

" _Just because she's…she looks a little different…and…"_

" _Has a penis?" Nora interjected._

" _Yeah, sure. I guess? Does she? Don't answer that. I don't want to think about it—God!" Pyrrha burst out. "She's still a human being, Jaune. That's the point. It's insensitive."_

" _Why? She has the disorder, right? There's nothing wrong with calling something by its medical term."_

" _SomeTHING!?" she bellowed._

" _I meant the condition. Calm down." Jaune shook his head. "I know she's a human being, Pyrrha. Jeza's really cool. Have you seen her fight?"_

" _No, I haven't." Pyrrha's whole body shifted at the topic change, shoulders down, relaxing. "What's her weapon?"_

_Jaune opened his mouth._

" _Rennnn," Nora interrupted, jostling him by the arm and nearly toppling the bench they were on. "You take soooo looong to read. Turn the page already."_

" _If you got your own book instead of reading over my shoulder, this wouldn't be a problem."_

* * *

Ren was the only person in the showers. As he walked to the exit still shirtless, he caught sight of himself in the mirror and paused.

He liked what was currently visible. His shoulders had never been a problem, thanks to fighting practically his whole life. His pecs had that nice curve that showed he had it without being emphatic, and his arms were respectable. Though he wanted a little more definition in his abs, he was content with how they looked.

This was the result of avoiding beer bread and running all the time. A body he could be proud of. One he was even comfortable with, felt no shame in walking around shirtless with—miracle of miracles.

Fat did different things on his body than it did on others. On other guys. It distributed over his body like smoothing putty, making his skin soft and hiding his muscle tone. He was lucky to have a flat chest, but maintaining a typical male musculature took effort for him.

It was all worth it. That round-edged version puberty first transformed him into wasn't his body.  _This_  was the body that belonged to him: toned and flat-chested and even some hair on his chest, enough to pass.

His walk back to the dormitory was straight-backed and proud. A smile curved his lips: he didn't even think about being shirtless anymore, was able to forget himself completely even though he was winding through populated halls in only shorts.

Lost in thought, he was still happy when he entered their room, only to see Nora studiously bent over a book, refusing to look up.

A storm crashed over his spirits again.

He sequestered himself on his bed and hid behind a textbook.

* * *

"Ren, are you hungry?" Jaune asked, putting down his scroll.

"I'd definitely rather not type another sentence on this essay."

"Same. Ramen?"

"Sure."

With cabbage and leeks and bean sprouts and seaweed. Seaweed was fantastic for one's health.

Of course, Jaune had to pick the place with the biggest portions Ren had ever seen.

There was no way he could survive eating that many carbohydrates in one meal. Fuck. But there was no backing out now. As Ren picked through his meal wondering how much it was polite to leave uneaten, Jaune asked, "Did you know Pyrrha was famous before you came to Beacon?"

"Everyone knows who Pyrrha Nikos is."

"I didn't. Apparently, people tend to avoid her because she intimidates them. Kinda crazy considering she's so nice."

"I can understand that."

"At least she's on our team," Jaune said with a grin.

"And we work together well," Ren added, happily discovering an uneaten pocket of onions. More vegetables, fewer carbs.

Jaune, somehow, had almost emptied his bowl.

"I think we should have another team meeting when we get back," Jaune said, leaning back in his seat.

Team training was Jaune's default homework avoidance, not that Ren complained: they all learned a lot when they practiced working together.

And it gave him a chance to interact with Nora on neutral ground. That old, familiar ground where they always had something in common: beating shit up.

"Ren, in the interest of the team, I have to ask: are you being an ass to Nora?"

Ren's head shot up.

"Beg your pardon?"

"She's clearly not talking to you anymore. Did you do something to her?"

"No," he protested, fists clenching, "of course not."

"Okay, just asking." Jaune gave a half-shrug, arms crossed over his chest.

After a moment, Ren said, "I may have inadvertently hurt her feelings."

"Is this some relationship-y thing?" Jaune asked.

"We're not together."

As he said it, Ren realized he'd had to tell people that at least half a dozen times since coming to Beacon. Everyone assumed they were a couple from the way they acted. Their closeness was something he treasured and forever relied upon. It was just a fact.

He'd lost all of that. Hell, maybe he'd fucked this up since the beginning, not realizing we're heading this direction all along.

"Oh!" Jaune snapped his fingers, looking like the dawning sun. "That's why she's mad, isn't it? You turned her down or something?"

Coughing to cover his shock, Ren stared at his ramen.

Reticence was his habitual emotion when it came to this subject, but maybe it would be good to tell someone who wouldn't ask questions. Maybe word would spread.

"I can't date her," he said. "I'm not sure how to tell her that."

"If you're not interested, just say so."

"I don't want to hurt her."

"If she gets hurt, that's her deal. You can't do anything but be honest."

"I guess."

Jaune stood up, stretching. "You almost done? Let's find the others."

* * *

When they got back to the room, nobody was there: Ren wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed. His inner life was nothing but chaos these days.

"Back to the books, I guess," Jaune sighed.

Ren began unbuttoning his tunic. "I'm going for a run."

"After eating? You'll lose your entire lunch."

With a chuckle, Ren shook his head. These lies were easy. "I'll be fine. When you're in shape, that doesn't usually happen."

"It doesn't?" Jaune blinked at him in surprise. Ren was reaching for t-shirt when Jaune said, "I'm coming with you."

Ren stopped.

"Um. You are?"

The point of the run was to be alone. But Jaune smiled as if company was what Ren asked for.

"I was going to later, but if vomiting isn't a problem, I might as well now. It's more fun with a partner."

Shit. Neither of them would enjoy this.

Jaune wasn't as much of a runner as Ren was—more a sprinter, like most fighters, so speeding ahead of him wasn't an option. Stomach churning, Ren kept an even pace, sure he'd lose Jaune as the distance wore on.

But Jaune chose today of all days to show surprising stamina. Meanwhile, Ren's gut twisted and flipped in rebellion against this abuse. Somehow, Jaune wasn't affected one iota by the enormous amount of food bouncing around his stomach. Ren on the other hand—well, he'd taken the run in order to throw up, and it was working. Except he couldn't be sick in front of Jaune, because he'd try to make sure Ren felt better and ate again later, plus next time Ren wouldn't be able to use the same lie.

After swallowing down acid a second time, he couldn't take it anymore. They were only a half mile from Beacon now: he didn't have much time.

"Race you back," Ren panted. "You take Main and I'll take Third."

Shooting Ren a grin, Jaune saluted and took off.

Ren went half a block before stopping in the shade of some trees. He didn't like to do it here, where people might walk by, but he didn't have a choice. His stomach was done being nice.

It went on and on until he was beyond empty: he was exhausted. The burn in his throat made him regret ever wishing for a break from his essay. This was why he usually controlled his eating instead of ingesting too much and evicting it later. It burned and tasted awful and he would so much rather get stomach cramps from not eating.

He took the half mile back to their building at a walk.

When he arrived, Nora and Jaune were both in the room, Ren avoiding eye contact with the former as soon as he entered. Oblivious, Jaune teased, "You lost. By a lot."

"Sorry," Ren said, ignoring the protests of his damaged esophagus. "I ran into a few people on my way up."

Nora's head shot up, frowning.

Damn Nora always knew when he was lying.

* * *

"Pyrrha and I will go east. Nora and Ren, take the north."

Wait. Had Jaune really just—? They were out on a test mission, and Jaune was splitting the team—naturally—into the two pairs who worked best together.

For the first time in three weeks, Ren was going to be alone with Nora. And Nora was  _armed_.

"Aye, captain," Nora said, smiling as if this were a regular old assignment.

Ren said absolutely nothing.

Everything was normal as they tromped through their designated patch of woods, Nora skipping and swinging her hammer while Ren walked behind her, calm and steady. This was good. This was how things used to be.

"Look!" Nora exclaimed, bouncing ahead and shimmying up an ivy-covered tree. She called down from amongst the foliage, "Just like a ladder."

He smiled in spite of himself, heart heavy and exhausted. "See anything from up there?"

"Nope."

"I think this area has been deserted for a long time." They were surrounded by nothing but healthy wildlife, not a sign of Grim presence.

Nora jumped down right in front of him. Ren leapt sideways in surprise.

"Do you have to do that?" he asked, but the longsuffering note in his voice was born out of habit more than anything else, just like his automatic smile. Nora's laugh filled the clearing, and he chuckled with her.

Laughter. Oh my god. Maybe…could they go back to normal? His stomach fluttered, lightweight.

"So do we head back now?" Nora asked, slinging an arm around his neck and steering them in a circle, nearly running into a tree.

Trying not to startle at her touch, Ren grabbed her shoulder before they could careen into any solid objects.

Fuck, he wanted to hold her so badly. Why couldn't he turn this part of his brain off? Celibacy would be easy if he didn't care about her so much.

"I think we're done," he replied. "We've searched our area."

Despite Ren keeping them from spinning in erratic loops, Nora didn't let go. Eventually she gave up on moving and simply leaned her weight on him. He still had an arm around her, the sizable muscles of her back shifting under his fingers.

"Does this mean I'm supposed to carry you back?" he asked.

Nora burst into a surprised giggle. "Would you actually?"

"If you made me. I wouldn't have any choice, would I?"

"True."

"But," he added, "I'd leave Magnhild behind."

"What!" Nora clutched her hammer, eyes wide with mock betrayal.

"Otherwise you'll just hurt me with it," he grinned.

Nora rolled her eyes, pulling away from him to heft the weapon.

"Damn right," she said with a cocky smile. "Everyone knows I have terrible aim."

When she made a fake swing at his crotch, ending with the hammer still a good half meter from him, Ren flinched automatically. Then he realized what he'd done and pride hit the back of his throat. Just as if she'd been about to hit him in the balls…

He could pass. He was damn good at passing.

Realizing his hand was still on her shoulder, he slid away. Just because he could pass didn't mean they could do this. Passing was just passing: it didn't make him cis.

Hearing him sigh, Nora looked over. A confused frown creased her eyebrows for a moment before she held out her hand. Her fingers wiggled expectantly.

In the space of those seconds, Ren stopped breathing.

No. Fuck. But he wanted to. He was going to ruin everything.

He grabbed her hand.

Their fingers interlocked so naturally he hardly noticed doing it. He loved how hot her skin was, slightly sweaty, a thick scar on the back of her hand running under his thumb. Turning, Nora began walking and he followed, back in the direction they'd come. Without a word of discussion, argument, or explanation—most things they did by common understanding, without having to talk.

Internally, a raging discussion filled Ren's brain.

He was aware of his pulse in his ears and the deep desire to be close to her and the swell of befuddlement that kept him from knowing why this should be wrong. It wasn't clear to him anymore like it was when he was alone. There were a lot of reasons why this seemed  _good_. Nora made him laugh, knew every move he made, was his closest friend. She was strong, funny, and kind.

"Do you like me?" she asked lightly.

"Yes," he said, before realizing: she meant romantically.  _Duh._  But the answer was the same.

"Good." She squeezed his fingers, still swinging her hammer around.

It was so Nora-like. Normal. But being together— _together_  together—also felt like it could be normal. He needed to say it. Before it became too normal and he couldn't back out without shattering everything.

"I can't date anyone." He choked on the words, hand tightening around hers.

She didn't react—because this was Nora Valkyrie, boisterous when others were composed and calm when others fell to pieces. Instead, she looked over and searched his face.

"Why not?"

"I can't. As in," he motioned vaguely at himself, "me: I can't."

Nora tilted her head. "What's wrong?"

Ren stopped walking.

The only people who knew about him were dead. Since nobody knew, his life was happy and good. He was exactly who he wanted to be, and nobody ever reminded him he'd never grow facial hair and his body hated him and the reason he didn't eat was because some days he couldn't stand that he was stuck looking like this person who wasn't him.

As his heart sped up, adrenaline pushed frantic energy into his limbs. He never wanted anyone to look at him differently. Or say those cruel, stupid, ignorant things. Or—what he really didn't want—people thinking of him as other than he was. No matter how friendly and understanding, they'd still treat him differently.

These fears were well-traveled paths for him: people would look at his body and part of them would assess him for differences. They'd go quiet when him mentioned physique, wondering how his physical regimen must vary from theirs. They would make a dick joke and then freeze, afraid of offending him, when seeing their awkwardness was so much worse.

Nora's grip on his hand grew painfully tight. As his dread hit a peak, he inhaled and forced calm into his body. Fear drew the Grim; peace meant safety.

"Ren?" She stepped in front of him with a strange expression. "Did you just activate your semblance?"

He stared at her. He felt serene—and Nora looked so too, no worry in her eyes despite how hard she was staring at him.

"On accident," he said, feeling stupid.

Shuffling right up next to him, she tilted her head into the curve of his shoulder.

"Don't be scared," she whispered.

"Nora." He swallowed. "We can't be together because I'm intersexual."

It drove him crazy not seeing her face. One breath passed. Two.

"Since always?" she asked.

"Yes."

"Why does that keep you from dating?"

"My body is different. I can't sleep with someone like it's no big deal, and a datefriend wouldn't necessarily understand. Physical acts could get confusing, complicated— It's far too embarrassing to even go there. Even getting…turned on…it's all different, and I can't handle it. I just can't."

"You don't have to sleep with anybody," she said.

"But everybody does. If I say no, they'll want to know why. And I don't tell people this."

She jerked upright, blue eyes assailing him.

"You haven't told  _anybody?_ "

Something about her tone made his breath stutter. He shook his head. Nora broke out in a beaming grin.

"I'm special!" she exclaimed.

Ren couldn't help a soft smile.

"You are."

"So—is it rude to ask questions?"

His weariness of the past three weeks was transforming, fear going still, anxiety fleeing, because it was done now, and whatever happened, even if he had to watch her go off and date other people while he sat there broken and unusable, the worst was over.

"It's not rude for you," he said, squeezing her hand. "Ask me anything."

Nora glowed.

"Do you have a vagina?"

"Um." He blushed. "Sort of? It's more complicated than that."

"I really like vaginas. Just saying."

Caught between embarrassment and humor, Ren gave a shaky laugh. "I'll keep that in mind."

"But you're a man?" she clarified.

"Yes."

"Okay." She swung her hammer at a nearby bush. "Hey Ren? Will you date me if I promise not to have sex with you?"

He let out a long breath.

"I will date you regardless, Nora."  _I love you. Even if you hurt me._

She paused for a beat. Blinked.

"Really?"

"You know my secret." He inhaled. "So I guess it's okay. If you really don't mind and if it's not going to change anything…"

"Really?!"

"Yes…" he said slowly, confused.

"You just needed to tell me this in order to be okay? That's  _it_?" She smacked his head. "Ren!"

"It's harder than it looks," he protested, looking away: her face had gotten excruciatingly close and god he just wanted to curl up and hide. "Admitting it isn't easy."

"I came out of the closet too, you know. Pansexual, remember? I get the whole thing about random people asking you inappropriate sexual questions."

"Is that equivalent to this?" he asked.

"I don't know." Face pressing into his neck again, she coiled around him in a hug. "You'll have to let me know as things go on. But it's a type of coming out. And Ren, you know I would never be weird about stuff like this. Don't assume things about me."

Sliding an arm around her back, he rubbed a thumb over the sharp edge of her shoulder blade.

"Okay. Will do."

When she eventually released him, they started moving again, shoulders brushing over their clasped hands. They didn't say anything on the walk back, or on their way to dinner, or in the dormitory that night. But the next day at breakfast, her fingers found his under the table and he didn't pull away, just smiled, holding on tighter.

* * *

Wiping his mouth, Ren flushed the bulk of his lunch down the toilet. Nora kept making him eat. Not forcing him exactly, but she noticed if he didn't eat, and he hated when she, and consequently the rest of the team, fussed over him. So more and more often, he ate and upped it later.

He spent a long time flushing his mouth out over the sink. The flavor was strong, and he hated it. It made him feel weak. He needed a better solution to the food problem.

When he went to rejoin the team, he found only Nora remaining in the dormitory.

"Where are Jaune and Pyrrha?" he asked.

"They finished up and went to work out."

"That was fast."

"You were gone awhile."

He looked away. "Sorry."

"Are you feeling alright?" she asked, concern in her sharp eyes.

"Yes," he said, smiling. He wasn't sappy enough to add  _now that I'm with you_ , but he was thinking it. "Should we finish that chapter?"

"'Kay!"

She scooted over on her bed to make room for him and Ren sat right next to her, no longer afraid to be touching. Besides, it made reading the same textbook together easier—that was his excuse, anyway. Not that he needed one to cuddle up with his girlfriend.

"My eyes hurt," she said as she settled her chin on his shoulder. "Read it aloud?"

So he did, nudging her whenever there was a diagram to look at. When he reached the end of a section, she put her palm over the page. He glanced over, expecting a question. Nora was kind of brilliant, so when she had a comment, it was usually a legitimate critique of someone's theories.

Instead, he found himself staring into intent blue eyes.

"Ren," she sighed, leaning closer. "I like your reading voice. It's really sexy."

One of her fingers touched his chin, and all he could think about was how close their faces were.

Without any more preamble, Nora pressed her lips against his.

Fireworks went off inside his brain. Adrenaline hit like when he was fighting, but this felt much better, a pleasing buzz tightening his navel. Her mouth was soft and very warm. And so alive. She moved against him and Ren jolted, putting a hand to her cheek to feel the realness of her skin.

Her mouth opened against his, tongue slithering over his lips. With a gasp, Ren broke away.

"What's wrong?" she asked, because he could never lie successfully to her and she was already reading the stiffness of his body.

"You startled me," he chuckled, shamefully breathless.

"Do you not want me to?"

She was looking at him so seriously. Fuck, he wanted her to. Of course he wanted to. How was he supposed to explain why he couldn't right  _now_?

With the truth.

"My breath is awful."

"Ren, get over it," she laughed. "Also, no, it's not."

Fuck, he wasn't going to give her open-mouthed kisses half an hour after vomiting. The acid still burned.

When she tentatively leaned into him again, he took a hard breath. The hurt in her eyes made his stomach lurch and turn in on itself.

"I threw up earlier," he said in a rush.

Her expression cleared, replaced by worry. "Oh god, are you okay?"

"Yeah." He smiled at her. "I am now."

"How often does this happen?" she asked.

Ren was taken aback.

"W-What?"

"Do you frequently get sick like that?"

"No." He stared down at the textbook in his lap.

"Ren," she said, and he knew from her solemn tone that she'd caught all the unsaid things.

"Nora," he replied.

When he met her eyes, the amount of affection he saw there staggered him.

"Do you do it on purpose?" she asked quietly.

Ren swallowed.

"Why do you ask?"

Suddenly her hand was trailing down his side, breaking all of his concentration as the pleasure centers of his brain cried,  _more!_  When her fingers felt over his ribs, he shuddered. Oh wow. She could touch him like that all day.

"You  _are_  pretty bony," she said, eyes wide. "Oh god, you really do it."

"Not usually," he protested, hand going to her face to brush away strands of hair. Had to keep her eyes on his. "I control what I eat. When I can't do that, this happens. But it's not usual."

"But why?"

He winced. "So I can look like this."

"Ren, you're incredibly hot. If you gained a few, you'd still look like the pinnacle of genetics."

Genetics, oh the irony. Still…Nora thought he was hot.  _Incredibly_  hot. His face flushed. He really,  _really_  wished they could've just kept making out.

Pulling her tighter against himself, he leaned his head against hers before answering.

"When I gain weight, it doesn't go in the usual places. Fat is connected with oestrogen storage, so the more I gain, the more I look like…"

"…someone you're not," she finished. "Okay. But throwing up sucks, Ren."

"If you don't bring my diet up in front of people, I can go back to eating less instead," he said, unable to stop the bite of accusation. "I only do this when people make fun of how little I eat, because then I have to eat more to make them stop."

"Ren." Her hand found his. "Are you sure you eat enough?"

"I'm still here, aren't I?"

It was a balance: the satisfying stability of controlling what he ate versus the desire to be strong. He couldn't be strong if he was fainting all over the place, muscles broken down as energy. So he might be on the skinnier end of what was healthy, but he wasn't starving.

Coming to Beacon with her had made him determined to be healthy. Strong enough to fight beside her, slaughter Grim. She was the reason he kept detailed logs of calories and fat intake.

"You've always made me strong," he murmured.

Smiling down at her, he watched a wide grin split her face. When Nora smiled like that, her eyes sparkled like the stars were laughing. Her capacity for happiness was breathtaking.

She leaned into him further and his heart sped up in anticipation, but instead of kissing him, she put her face into the crook of his neck. Her breath was hot against his throat, making him feel full, like the biggest man in the world. He wanted to be good enough for her, make her feel good, soak in her presence. Rapturous minutes ticked by as she stayed silent, pressed into him like clay against a mold.

Eventually, he chuckled, "Nora? Still there?"

"Mm," she hummed.

Twisting around, he saw the side of her face, eyes closed against his shoulder and expression happy. He could smell her familiar mellow scent as he drew a finger along the edge of her face. Her lips parted.

He kissed that beautiful smile.

Nora's indrawn breath sped his heart. He was really kissing her. And he didn't know what to do: where his hands should go, how this worked, what came next. His mouth took over, moving against hers with hunger while his arms slipped around her waist and pulled her closer. When her fingers tightened on his bicep, a thrill went up his spine.

Her tongue slid along his lips again before tipping gently inside. Ren let her.

As she explored and aroused him, their lips danced. Ren shuddered in a breath. Tongues intertwining, Nora made a small, mewling sound and a burst of sparks in Ren's head shattered his timidity. Facing her fully, he slid his hand up her hip. Nora let out a breathy moan, moving into his grasp.

He found uncovered skin above her hipbone and traced a finger over it. Fuck, this was addicting. Before his overfull brain could try to process the scrape of her lips on his and the feel of her warm, smooth skin under his fingers— _her skin_ , he was beneath the hem of her shirt,  _holy shit_ —Nora pulled out of the kiss, pushed him down, and straddled him.

Ren had only a moment to be afraid. He didn't know how he felt about this, where things were going, but his body was telling him he wanted this, and clothes were still on. As long as she didn't try to touch him...

Grinning down at him, she dove onto his lips again.

Sensations pulsed low in his abdomen. Nora toyed with his hair as she sucked his tongue into her mouth, and oh god did that feel good, practically breathing each other's air. When her other hand rubbed down over his ribs again, he inhaled sharply, breaking the kiss and seeing a wide, eager grin stretching across Nora's face.

He was fucked. She was so pretty, her muscled arms shaking slightly on either side of his head, and he wanted her so badly.

"Ren," she whispered, kissing his ear. "Please touch me."

She pushed his hand up further under her shirt. Ren groaned. Feeling over that toned stomach, the sweep of her waist, up her side to the round swell of her breast.  _Oh fuck._  Nora was panting into his mouth now, thigh between his legs and grinding down against him so that Ren saw stars, pleasure bursting from secret places. He played around the edge of her breast, feeling the weight of it, toying with the soft skin, fingers getting closer and closer to her nipple. Nora vibrated above him, their kiss sloppy, and Ren had never experienced anything so amazing.

The loud chirp of Nora's scroll made them jump.

Ren whipped his hand out of her shirt and Nora pulled away from the full body contact, his crotch tingling in her absence. They stared at each other in startled anxiety for a moment trying to catch their breath.

"That's the proximity warning to let me know Jaune and Pyrrha are close," she said.

"Shit."

Goddamn great timing.

"How'd you set that up?" he asked, sitting up and trying to straighten his appearance so he didn't look as winded as he felt.

"I hacked their scrolls' location settings," Nora panted, pulling her shirt down. "Had to steal Jaune's scroll to do it, but after that I figured out how to hack Pyrrha's remotely, which is good since she never lets it leave her sight."

Ren laughed a little. "You're brilliant, Nora."

Flushed as she was, he could still see the blush slide up her cheeks.

"Aw, stop."

"Really," he said. "Very few people can do what you do."

"Th-Thanks." She looked down at her fidgety hands.

Leaning in, he gave her a quick, simple peck on the lips. The tiny gesture, and Nora's overwhelmed expression, exhilarated him.

"You weren't hesitant," Nora murmured, watching him with an almost shy expression. "With your body."

"Oh. Yeah. Um. I really liked it." He bit his lip, wondering why on earth he felt embarrassed telling her this.

"Me too. And thank you." She grinned at him. He was unbelievably grateful: she understood how hard it was to be so close, touching, even when he wanted it so much.

"Thank you for liking it—liking me," he stuttered.

Nora took his hand. "Before they get back… About the food thing."

"I did a bunch of research," he blurted before she could get further. "I, um…when we got here, you know how there were mandatory physicals?"

Nora nodded.

Ren's heart was jumping just as much as when she'd been grinding on top of him. Confessions were so, so hard.

"He told me I was…underweight."

Ren understood the fearful, wide-eyed look she gave him. Touching her cheek, he summoned his courage and continued.

"I wasn't in a good place before we got here. I'm sorry. He wanted me to see a dietician, except I knew they wouldn't understand my issues. So I looked everything up myself. Figured out how much I needed to get of everything based on how active I am and all that… I've been trying really hard to stay healthy. I'm not technically underweight anymore, Nora. I just don't want people making fun of me. Because nobody knows or understands or… Can you not point it out in front of people please? However much or little I'm eating. I keep track of all of it. I promise I'm eating enough."

"Okay," she whispered in a tiny voice. "I'm sorry. I was just trying to help."

"I know."

"You swear you're eating enough?"

"I swear," he said, "on my badass girlfriend."

Nora giggled.

"Besides, I'm not in a bad place anymore," he said, low voice dipping into a whisper. "I'm in a really, really good place."

They squeezed each other's hands.

The door swung open and they parted innocently, Ren leaning back against the wall while Nora picked up the textbook and pretended she'd been studying.

Pyrrha went to her dresser with no more than a wave, but Jaune gave them a long, considering stare.

"Okay, team," he said, motioning Pyrrha over, "I call a meeting. We need to discuss something we should've established in the beginning: the rules surrounding putting a sock on the doorknob."

Despite his best efforts, Ren could feel heat flowing to his face.

Not all of it was self-conscious, though. Quite a bit of it was due to joy.

**Author's Note:**

> I was strongly tempted to take this smutty places, but I managed not to for once. Aren't you proud of me? xD
> 
>  **30 Sept update:** a first-time-smut sequel has been posted, titled "Running to Desire."


End file.
